Curriculum Vitae. A flash fiction.

After a few weeks away from #fridayflash I’m back with a short flash inspired by Icy Sedgwick’s photo prompt, (although I deviated a bit from her title). If you haven’t discovered the delights of Icy’s writing, I’d recommend a quick peek at her blog.

Please feel at liberty to post your constructive comments, and I’ll try to do the same for you.

More flashing goes on every friday at fridayflash.org.

And now for the story…

Curriculum Vitae

During his two years at the company, Gerry’s principal satisfaction lay in collecting the subject headers from the daily office memos which arrived in his inbox. They were invariably more intriguing than the content of the memos themselves. He had taken to printing them and carefully cutting out the bold type from the top, which he then placed artistically on his cubicle divider with blu tack.

Recent favourites which held prominent positions at eye level included:

‘INAPPROPRIATE CASCADING OF SECURE DATA STREAMS’, ‘BLUE SKY THINKING FOR CLOUDY DAYS’, and ‘R.E.S.P.E.C.T: EQUALITY IN THE WORKPLACE.’

He’d had a scare about three months earlier when the subject box read ‘HOT DESKING TRIAL.’ Gerry had been forced to depersonalise his work space according to the new company policy. He was wise enough to take the precaution of carefully placing his collection of memo headers in a box file; when the trial ended in failure after only two weeks he was able to quickly replace them, only this time in an infinitely more interesting helix pattern.

The memo which had arrived this morning merited immediate consecration: ‘SCORCHED EARTH DISCIPLINARY POLICY.’ The subject’s intriguing mix of gravitas and mystery promised much;  Gerry, however,  knew from experience that the attached memo was unlikely to live up to its billing, so he deposited it unread in the waste bin having first cut out and saved the title.

He was deciding where to place it when Bob from Procurement appeared.

‘Did you get the memo?’

‘Yeah,’ said Gerry, ‘classic.’

‘What’s it about, do you think?’

‘No idea.’

Bob raised his unruly eyebrows.

‘Sounds like someone’s been a naughty boy.’

Gerry waited until Bob had slouched back to his desk before retrieving the memo.

“Inappropriate behaviour is causing the lawn by the external employee rest area to scorch and die. If this does not cease immediately, necessary disciplinary action will follow in accordance with company policy”.

Gerry ripped the newly-placed memo header from the cubicle screen and tore it into pieces. How the hell was he going to fit two cigarettes and a piss into his break now? Personally, he’d been impressed with his time-saving multi-tasking and had been trying to find a way of working it into his already impressive CV.

 

© flyingscribbler 2012

Advertisements

12 comments on “Curriculum Vitae. A flash fiction.

  1. Icy Sedgwick says:

    Ah! Naughty boy! I can imagine doing that with the titles to spam emails.

  2. Ha ha best laid plans and all that. You gave me a big smile this morning thanks Justin. ^_____^

  3. I wonder if it’s the same disciplinary action as for smoking in the rest room?

  4. marc nash says:

    This is pot on, both the jargon of such memos and your acute observation that the body of the memo fails to live up to the title. Like newspapers really, but fortunately not like our fiction!

    Top work

  5. I’ll never think of that phrase the same way again.. funny funny story with your trademark authentic dialogue J.. Damn good!

  6. ROFL! “Scorched Earth policy”? Is that what they’re calling it now? 🙂 Well done!

  7. FARfetched says:

    The ending was truly laugh-inducing! Poor guy, efficiency isn’t always appreciated, eh?

  8. Sonia Lal says:

    LOL Funny ending.

    INAPPROPRIATE CASCADING OF SECURE DATA STREAMS -> never considered how naughty this sounds.

    SCORCHED EARTH DISCIPLINARY POLICY -> sounds like a good title for a SF story.

  9. ha ha … I enjoyed this! Love the dialogue, and I really like the idea of keeping those headers. Definitely more interesting than actual memos! 🙂

  10. Richard Bon says:

    Tim stole my thunder here . . . I wanted to mention something about smoking in the men’s room. Perhaps he can use the memo to push him toward Nicorette? Clever response to Icy’s photo prompt.

  11. Steve Green says:

    Haha! That would certainly look impressive on his CV,
    Special Abilities:
    Can pee and smoke at the same time. 🙂

  12. Steve Green says:

    Hi again Justin, if you would like to pop over to my blog I have something for you. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s