Rules of Entry. A very short flash fiction.

It’s back to basics today with a very short story (does this qualify as micro-flash?). It is partly inspired by flying over Arizona recently on my way to Phoenix. It reminded me of scenes from road trip movies through Monument Valley or any desert really. In turn, that led to this idea, and then I decided to see if I could fit it into 100 words. I could; here’s the result. It may appear as #fridayflash, or simply as a little (very little) extra.

 

Rules of Entry

 

‘Driven far?’ I say.

She nods with tired eyes.

‘You?’ she asks.

‘Fifteen hours, we shared the driving.’

‘That’s lucky,’ she says, picking up her toddler, ‘still, it’s worth it, for the kids.’

They reach the front the queue.

‘Read the sign, lady. All children to be accompanied by both parents. No exceptions.’

‘But I can pay. Please, we’ve driven for two days.’

A man pushes forward, snarling.

‘Hey, you heard him, no unmarried mothers; ain’t healthy.’

We go through the turnstile. Looking back, I make out their tail lights, heading east into the darkening sky; away from the bunker.

 

© flyingscribbler 2010

 

 

 

 

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11 comments on “Rules of Entry. A very short flash fiction.

  1. TEC4 says:

    That was powerful! Well done …

  2. Sam Adamson says:

    Wow! What a kicker in your last line. Marvelous little story.

  3. Icy Sedgwick says:

    What a ridiculous example of bureaucracy – what about widows or widowers?!

    Anyway, it’s a very powerful story. Packs a lot into so few words. Well done!

  4. Tony Noland says:

    Ugh, I’ve been faced with such petty tyrants before. They’re always ugly.

    Well done.

  5. juliorvarela says:

    Love the twist at the end. Opens up so many possibilities.

  6. Gracie says:

    If I were her, I think I’d rather take my chances where she is. Bah to small-minded tyranny!

    Well done, creating an entire world in 100 words. Good story!

    • Tony, Icy, Sam, Julio and Gracie: thank you all for your very encouraging responses to this little story. It was one of those times when I sat down knowing exactly what I wanted to achieve and I think i managed to do it.

  7. Steve Green says:

    Good microflash, it speaks volumes.

  8. davidwburns says:

    Yes. I love this kind of story. Well done!

  9. Blackbirdsong says:

    Excellent and powerful microflash. Wow!

  10. adampb says:

    It’s brevity belies a great depth of thought and ideas. Well written.
    Adam B @revhappiness

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